"In my countless coaching consultations, I noticed there were always 5 decisive steps punctuating the road towards the emotional life we all want."
This guest post is by Jo Campbell, Community Manager at The Dating Genie, helping singles find the best online dating site for them.
Joining online dating sites is a great way to meet potential matches, but it does have one very daunting part: writing messages to people you don’t know. Here’s a guide that will make writing that all-important first message much easier, and improve your chances of receiving a response.
Avoid the use of one-liners
It’s true that your first message does not need to be lengthy, but you may want to think twice before sending out a one-liner. Sending out a message that reads “hey” or “hi” is unlikely to attract much interest, as writing a one-liner simply tells the other person that you are lazy and lack creativity.
No sexual innuendo
When writing your first online dating message, it’s best to keep the sexual overtones to a minimum. While some men may not consider sex-laced messages to be offensive, most women find them to be extremely disrespectful. If a woman does decide to send a response, do not expect their reply to be positive. On the other hand, a woman who sends out a steamy first message will likely be perceived as being easy.
Use proper grammar
Poor grammar is a pet hate among many online daters. Although one misspelled word is usually not a big deal, the consistent use of poor grammar is definitely unattractive. Taking the extra time to proofread your message will increase your chances of getting a reply. However, this does not mean that your message should sound like a PhD dissertation –just check your spelling.
Don’t sound desperate
The smell of desperation is a very stinky odor. Even if a particular dating profile causes your heart to flutter, do not beg the person for a date. While there is nothing wrong with giving someone a genuine compliment, it is never a good idea to place them on a pedestal. If a person fails to respond to your initial message, simply move on. Most online dating sites have plenty of suitable candidates.
Read their profile
Reading a dater’s profile will help you to write an effective opening message. Telling a person that they are beautiful or handsome is a nice gesture, but it’s definitely not original. After reading a person’s profile, write them a message that relates to what they’ve written. For example, if they’ve written that they love to go to the beach, ask them about their favorite beach or beach-related activities.
Ask open-ended questions
Asking the person an open-ended question is a good way to keep the ball rolling. Avoid asking close-ended questions that can simply be answered with one word. Your primary objective is to ask thought-provoking questions that encourage the person to respond. Remember, boring messages tend to get deleted a lot quicker than a funny or engaging message.
Don’t be negative
Always try to send out first messages that have a positive vibe. Even if you are feeling a bit down, do not let your bad mood reflect in the message. A positive message may even help to brighten the other person's day, and putting a smile on a potential date’s face makes it way more likely that you’ll hear from them soon.
Making the first move on online dating sites can be intimidating, but if you take the time to read a potential match’s profile and ask thoughtful questions, you’ll be heading out on that all-important first date in no time.
Choose the best online dating site for you with The Dating Genie.
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