A virile man is a man who, by his words, actions and behavior, knows how to reassure his partner when she is doubting herself or going through a tough time in her life. Many aspects of daily life could require a man to reassure his wife or girlfriend: financial worries, workplace stress, problems in the home and with the children etc.
In every instance, my advice is that if there is a problem in the couple; you need to adopt a virile response in three steps:
1. Show her you are aware of the problem “Honey, I can’t help but notice…”
2. Show her that you share responsibilities and that you make up a team with your partner (a team in which you’re the leader): “Here’s what I propose we do to overcome this issue” or “How can we deal with this problem together? Let’s try and come up with some ideas.”
3. Show her that you are able to accept the consequences and that you are ready to push through to get out of your rough patch: “Don’t worry – this is what I am going to do to put this episode behind us.”
You will see that this plan of action is applicable for all the worries of your life as a couple and as a family. You will finally be a man who can reassure, who faces reality head on, in the eyes of your partner. Finally, you will be a man who doesn’t shirk away from difficulty – this is what virility boils down to!
A virile man is a man who knows himself and who isn’t afraid to assert himself. He feels confident enough to say no, though he knows when to concede when it isn’t a priority – he picks his battles, in other words. All this might seem insurmountable but you are going to see that it’s not as difficult as all that!
In a situation, where the woman always wants more, for example, going to diner for the fifth time that week at her mother’s, the man can react as follows:
1.“I’ve heard what you have to say. I’ve heard your arguments. Here are mine: I work all week long, we get home really late when we eat at your mother’s. I’m tired and I don’t feel like paying a babysitter again – it’s too dear!”
2.“Let’s come to a consensus: We go this weekend, because we’ll have much more time. During the week, we take it easy in our own home or we go if you really want to, but just the once.” Or “What do you suggest as a solution?”
3.In the end, when you have both said all there is to say, if she starts to insist again, don’t hesitate to put a firm end to the conversation : “STOP. We’ve said everything we had to say on this subject, I am not going back on my decision. I gave you my suggestion – now, either you propose a better solution or you accept mine – but in the mean time, we’re not talking about this anymore.”
Because in the end, gentlemen, virility is also about imposing yourself and your opinion when your other half brings up the same subject for the hundredth time. This is not to say you should play the big man and enforce your way as law in your relationship. Show that you are open to discussion, that you take time to propose solutions, and finally, that you are capable of taking decisive action to solve these problems. And this applies to many aspects of your life as a couple.
Take for example sharing chores in a couple. This is an area that can really impair your virility if you ever let yourself do that kind of task that at heart you have no desire to do.
To be at your maximum virility, the trick is to know where to find your limits. For certain men for example, the idea of finding themselves in charge of the laundry and ironing is extremely emasculating (this depends on the education and family models you have received).
In these cases, it’s not ideal to say “I won’t do that, that’s a woman’s job” (which is more in line with macho swagger than real virility) – try “I prefer not to have to do the laundry, however if you want, I’m happy to do the cooking when we get home in the evening/mop the floors once a week/take out the trash etc.”
You will see that you will gain much more understanding for your partner if you propose a compromise in this way, and in doing so, avoid conflict. You can equally explain to her why you can’t put up with doing the ironing/washing up/whatever task it is: “At home, my father was never responsible for this task, and my mother understood this. She did it, and if she wasn’t there, my sister did. Can you understand that for me this is an extremely feminine task?”
In explaining and asserting your individuality, you adopt truly virile behavior and – as an added bonus – you avoid conflicts with your partner ! Truly, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Real men are few and far between
I want her to see my manly side