Deciding to be exclusive

Is it time to have a sexually and emotionally monogamous relationship with your partner?

 

What's so good about monogamy?

It may not be very romantic, but one of the big advantages of being exclusive is that you can be much safer sexually than when both you and your partner have sex with other people. Equally, being monogamous works to allay some of the emotional risk involved – after all, the more we have sex with someone, the more we become emotionally attached. As time goes on, you might find yourself looking for some safeguards so that you are not getting more and more interested in someone only for them to take off and leave. Finally, the big push for exclusivity might come around simply because you don’t want to share your partner. You want to cultivate an intimacy and closeness that you share solely with each other.

Sexual monogamy can go a long way in giving a sense of security that allows the emotional relationship between you to grow. It takes a lot of the pressure off, allowing both partners to relax, which can only improve your sex life.

Also by choosing to give all your attention to one person over the scores of people out there and to acknowledge your relationship to the world, you show your commitment making your partner feel safe and appreciated.

Telling a man 'I love you'

Am I ready for monogamy?

Before you can truly commit to someone, it’s good practice to see what’s out there, to have some dates, meet different people and grow in your awareness of what you are looking for in a relationship. If you skip this step, you might find yourself feeling restless further down the road in your relationship.

Also you need to make sure that your feelings for the other really are strong and legitimate. In the early passion-filled days it can be easy to conflate love and lust. Make sure you know the other person and where you stand before making a commitment.

Another thing to consider before making a commitment is whether or not you share the same relationship goals. Do you both want kids and marriage for example? If you’re not compatible in long run with your partner, there is no harm in dating casually, but if you do so for too long you risk missing meeting the person who wants the same things in life as you. Equally, you might meet someone with the same life goals as yourself, but the timing is off, e.g. a successful businesswoman in her thirties who wants kids and a twenty-something guy who wants a family but wants to focus on his career first. Again, caution is advised.

 

Remember

To be ready to commit, you need to reach a point where you feel that you have lived and learned from your experiences, that you know what you want in love, and that you have perspective on the things that matter. Finding someone else at this emotionally mature stage in their lives is the ideal way to begin a lasting committed relationship. 

Preconceived notions

"Monogamy is the end of freedom."

What you're saying

"I'm scared to push too soon!"

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