When should we sleep together?

There are no hard and fast rules here. Only you can decide when or when not to sleep with someone. If you want to have sex with someone just for fun, that’s up to you. Just make sure you take a moment to wonder if you are interested in a more long term relationship with your partner, and whether having sex so soon is the best way to achieve that.

Do your best to look at the situation clearly. Try and be honest with yourself about you and your partner’s motivations for having sex, and calculate the emotional risks. If it is just a once-off, how will you feel about that the next day?

 

Men and women view sex differently

Reflecting on the differences between how men and women approach sex might be helpful here. In general, men find it easier to separate sex and their emotions. They often think very competitively about sex, and might act very interested in their partner just to sleep with her, or have sex with her even when they have no intention of seeing her again. Women, on the other hand, tend to be focus on the emotional and psychological side of intimacy. They tend to view sex as a sign that their partner is seriously interested in them.

 

Be in sync

If you are interested in a more long term relationship, it is often advisable not to rush things. You might decide to wait a while, so your partner doesn’t end up devaluing you for giving in to his demands and leave the relationship in confusion. Keeping the pace of your emotional and sexual progression in sync is generally a good move. Also, it is very important that both partners care for each other equally in order to be fair to each other’s feelings. In any case, you should never feel guilty saying no to taking your relationship to the next level if you feel either you or your partner are not truly ready.

Lastly, of course, be smart. Protect yourself from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s) and unwanted pregnancy. If you have an STI – it happens! – come clean.

 

Finally…

If you act responsibly and truly reflect on what you want in your relationship, you won’t go far wrong.

Telling a man 'I love you'

Be in sync

If you are interested in a more long term relationship, it is often advisable not to rush things. You might decide to wait a while, so your partner doesn’t end up devaluing you for giving in to his demands and leave the relationship in confusion. Keeping the pace of your emotional and sexual progression in sync is generally a good move. Also, it is very important that both partners care for each other equally in order to be fair to each other’s feelings. In any case, you should never feel guilty saying no to taking your relationship to the next level if you feel either you or your partner are not truly ready.

Lastly, of course, be smart. Protect yourself from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s) and unwanted pregnancy. If you have an STI – it happens! – come clean.

 

Remember

If you act responsibly and truly reflect on what you want in your relationship, you won’t go far wrong.

 

Preconceived notions

"When it's right, it's right."

What you're saying

"If you give in too soon, you can spoil things."

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The New York Times
A smart approach to love by Florence Escaravage
Psychologie Magazine
An Undercover Reporter Experiences Florence's Method First-Hand
ELLE magazine
An Efficient Method by Florence Escaravage, the Queen of Love Coaching, February 2007
Herald Tribune
How to Create Emotional and Intellectual Intimacy by Love Intelligence®

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