How to make him/her fall in love with you: Gently does it

Love cannot be calculated

Nobody in this world can control their feelings for other people. You can’t decide to fall in love with someone. The only thing you can do is create the necessary conditions for magic to happen. Read about the 5 keys to find love.

We all know men and women who think that they can create love with the person of their choice. A human being is not something we can mould into whatever we want. However, you can definitely encourage them to open up and share their feelings with you. Read step 3 of the Method.

Hounding someone until they love us is almost certainly a doomed approach

Paying close attention, being very present, creating occasions to meet up, showing how kind we are, adopting all sorts of attitudes that will supposedly make someone fall in love with us can be quite the ordeal, especially when the effort goes on for a while.

This kind of ordeal brings about consequences that can be very hard to put up with :

- Frustration

-Decreased self-esteem

-Bitterness, jealousness

-Betrayals

-Huge time wastage as we make ourselves unavailable to new dating opportunities

Don’t force things

Wanting to make someone fall in love with you can end up being very similar to wanting to control someone.

In love as in friendship, nothing should be imposed – and nothing can be imposed either. In actuality, this kind of hounding, no matter how subtle it might be, might ultimately be considered harassment.

In the most serious cases, this intense willing of someone’s feelings tips into pathological attachment in that it doesn’t take any account of reality. Lots of films under the title “psychological drama” follow these sort of love harassment scenarios.

Obsession

We see this “pathological attachment” come into play when the desire to provoke love becomes outright obsession.

This attitude shows no respect for the person we want to love us.

It constitutes a threat, a danger, because all form of lucid reasoning is absent. These situations are less rare that you might think.

We cannot make love come around if we ignore the real needs and desires of the other. We are focused solely on our own desires. It is essential not to confuse wanting to get what we want with love. This first emotion corresponds more closely with egocentric “want” than real love feelings.

 

How should we act to reach our goal ?

If the person we want to love us is not emotionally available, it’s best to give up before really beginning.

Even if we know the relationship is not very solid or happy, the stakes are too high. Despite these occasional sweet suggestions that the object of our affection may soon be free, nothing is certain.

Equally, if a couple are in the middle of a separation, it is possible to wait so as to start your seduction effectively. But again, nothing is certain, because love is not shared.

If the person we love is a friend, unattached and available, why not try to transform this friendship into love?

For one thing, as we have previously explained, we must avoid anything that comes close to harassment

If, after a few months (prolonging a seduction for years is a sterile endeavor), the partner you hope for does not appear to be seduced, it is possible to simply tell them you love them: now, the ball’s in their court.

This really is all that you can do.

It’s better to hold on to a good friendship, provided that there is fair play and openness (out of respect) when there are stronger feelings involved, and then knowing when to let this go for the sake of the friendship.

When the person in question isn’t somebody you know, it is necessary in the case of failing in your seduction attempts, to keep a grasp on reality and accept the disappointment.

When the other does not reciprocate our feelings, the best thing to do is to let it go and move on.

When it comes to love, ultimately, can’t force the hand of destiny.

Behaviour to avoid

By multiplying the gifts (the small ones as well as the big) we give to the one we love, we unconsciously show our desire to buy them.

-Inundating the other with calls, texts, emails

-Calling anonymously (and hanging up at “hello”)

-Bothering them at work

-Following the person and watching what they get up to

-Inventing scenarios alone or with friends to run into them

-Researching the other’s personal information: this is violating their privacy

-Calling their partner or meeting up with them

-Leaving letters in their mailbox or under their door

-Emotional blackmail

-Making threats (suicide, false rumours to ruin their reputation etc)

Remember

A mature adult knows that they cannot force someone to love them in return

An adult must learn to let go

An adult must stay lucid and accept reality

Preconceived notions

By constantly reminding them that I love them, they will start loving me

What you're saying

I want to make them love me

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The New York Times
A smart approach to love by Florence Escaravage
Psychologie Magazine
An Undercover Reporter Experiences Florence's Method First-Hand
ELLE magazine
An Efficient Method by Florence Escaravage, the Queen of Love Coaching, February 2007
Herald Tribune
How to Create Emotional and Intellectual Intimacy by Love Intelligence®

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