Find out how to get your relationship newly blooming – pleasure and peace of mind guaranteed!
“Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”
Pierre Theilhard de Chardin
“ You” versus “Me”
Him: You didn’t do the dishes last night even though you had more time than me!
Her: Once again you forgot to call your parents to wish them a happy new year!
All too often, without meaning to, we plague our partner with all sorts of negative comments and criticisms which can eventually be damaging for the couple. It’s important for a couple to communicate, but make sure to communicate properly.
Do not fall into a relationship that is a flood of “You didn’t do this! You, you, you!” We have a tendency to settle into this sort of harmful relationship, in which we end up criticizing our partner, when all these things could be said in a much nicer way.
This is why we need to use more “I”s than “you”s in an argument. They key for communication success in a couple is to learn how to speak about yourself to the other rather than to attack the other.
Let 2014 be the year you change the way you communicate and avoid useless arguments.
Him: Iwould like you to do the dishes this evening because I don’t have time to help you right now.
Her: I’m just reminding you that your parents would be pleased if you called them to wish them a happy new year.
Let’s have a good argument (Yes, that’s possible)!
We all know that arguments are inherent to a couple’s life, and anyone who dares say otherwise is lying…
For some couples, arguing can be necessary as it allows them to draw attention to the problems they may have and helps them find a way to solve them. But if you want your argument to be constructive and helpful you should follow several rules:
- Make sure to determine the subject of the argument, and stick to it! It is very important not to change the subject of this specific argument. If you let the argument get out of the subject, you will open the door to criticisms and useless negative comments uttered in a state of anger.
- Both people involved have to express what is bothering them, but express yourself in the right manner using “I” instead of “You” ( “I am a bit bothered because…” versus “You didn’t…”)
- Listen to what the other has to say. “We’re arguing…fine! But let’s listen to each other please.”
- Find the solution to your problem: listen to each other and understand each other in order to solve the problem together in a constructive way. The couple is a team.
If you have a good argument in 2014, then you will be able to fulfill the expectations of your partner, tell him your own expectations and find solutions to all your problems.
Take the time to compliment
Even if you’ve been living together for several years already, and you love your partner and feel loved in return, it is important not to forget why we like them so much. Small displays of affection probably the best kinds of gestures and are often enough to make your day!
We all appreciate hearing our partner tell us that we look beautiful or handsome today. But gestures of affection are also very important and very often forgotten with time. A hug, a little kiss or a tender look, will most definitely warm up your sweetheart’s heart, and will make him forget your recent argument.
2014 is the perfect time to tell your partner how much you appreciate his qualities! So go ahead – don’t hesitate!
Make decisions together
Her:We’re going to my mother’s on Sunday morning
Her:By the way, I’ve made an appointment at the hairdressers for Matéo. You’re bringing him on Saturday morning.
Her:I moved around the furniture in the sitting room – I was fed up!
Her:I’ve invited the Duponts to dinner tomorrow
Her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her…
Sometimes in a couple, dynamics establish themselves in a relationship without us initially realizing, where one partner ends up completely passive and the other overly assertive. She decides and he goes along with her decision (and vice versa of course).
For each other’s own happiness, and the general harmony of the couple, it is vital to know how to let the other choose and not to simply let the same person make all the decisions.
A good resolution for 2014 is to alternate in the role of decision maker; I decide to let my partner choose the destination of our next holidays because I can see that it makes him/her happy – on the other hand, I will choose the method of transport!
Find out what Psychology recommends to put the spark back in your relationship here
Shake up your routine
Our relationship sometimes seems to get stuck in a rut. Between errands and household chores, professional obligations, children, family… it can sometimes be difficult to get a moment alone with just the two of us!
We can try to shake up the monotony of daily life by putting aside the time for weekends away or evenings alone with our other halves. Even if your budget can’t stretch as far as a romantic getaway, a weekend at home with just the two of you can do wonders!
There is no point hesitating about asking friends and families to look after the children. We just need to take enough time for an intimate dinner, to share a moment together or a new experience (theatre, a stroll, an adventure). These little moments of complicity allow us to reinstate ourselves in the role of lover, spouse or partner, man, woman.
This year make sure to take time to find yourselves alone with each other, and try not to let yourself get overwhelmed by small daily grievances.
Give your partner some space
As the old adage goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I like to think that this is true on a day-to-day scale for a couple too!
In order to preserve the magic and harmony of our couple, it is necessary to give ourselves and our partners some time by ourselves once a week.
For our couple to work, we must remember that 1+1=3. This is the case, quite simply, because the “us” in a relationship is made of two full parts (the two people that love each other), who go on to make the third part that is the team formed by two people who must be understood as a single unit.
It’s a fact, we spend lots of time with our partner when we are in a couple, and it’s not always the most fruitful way to spend our time. When we’re not together, we’re constantly ringing each other, sending texts saying “Where are you? What are you doing? When are you coming back? Are you coming to pick up Matéo ? Are you going to buy bread ?” This can quickly become suffocating for one – or both! – parties in the relationship.
It is therefore vital to actively grant each other moments alone. Mister can hole himself up in the garage for a couple of hours to do what he enjoys or he can go play sport with his friends… Missus has the right to go off shopping with her girlfriends or take a spa trip with her sister.
Moments alone allow us to:
- Have something to talk about when we see each other again
- Clear our mind and refocus on ourselves for a day or a half day
- Find our partner after a brief spell apart and appreciate all the more
In the end, everyone gains !
Spice it up in the bedroom
Unfortunately, our sex life is often the first victim of routine. This year, why not take the bull by the horns?
As the years go by, we often have a tendency to think that our partner does not take care of their themselves – from the last unyielding bits of stubble to the month-old beard to the lack of creativity in the bedroom. “We’ve always done it like this – he loves it – why change?”
We can take the perpetual up-and-down of our sometimes very capricious libido as a given but this should not let us stop ourselves from making ourselves pleasing for our partner and for ourselves.
Remember during that first month of our relationship – before each get-together, you’d spend hours choosing what to wear, how to do your hair, how to put on your make-up, what to offer the other person, what surprise to prepare for them… And you got results!
It is essential to remind your partner:
- What you appreciated at the beginning of your (sexual) relationship
- What you find really unique about him/her and what you learned to know and love today (his/her sexual maturity, the mutual attentiveness to each other’s desires…)
We have to continue making these efforts throughout our relationship to maintain the eroticism of our first few dates. Some sexy new lingerie, a romantic ambiance, a change of scenery... these are just a few suggestions of the little things that can bring lots of pleasure to our partner!
Find out more about the good resolutions to adopt for your relationship on Woman's Day.
"They love me for me, I no longer have to make an effort"
"Love requires too much investment!"